Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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