I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
