No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
