Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
