I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
