Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
