I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
