There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
