yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
