coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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