Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
