Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize