Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize