he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize