Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this will be a night to untag.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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