So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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