for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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