omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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