Soap is not a condiment
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
