Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
