Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
