I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
