just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
one might say we're banned from that church
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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