last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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