So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
