Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
