Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
