I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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