Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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