Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
