So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
