I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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