awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
