i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
