Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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