I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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