you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
