So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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