Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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