I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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