My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The adults are the big ones right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
