i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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