This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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