I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
