im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
