u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
