why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
