im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
