i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
