dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
