this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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