So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
