Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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