who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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