wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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