Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
