he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
