I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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