I smell stomach acid.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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