Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize