Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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