Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
